cambodia.. ??

ok so obviously my head still isn't in the right place.. but this could be brilliant. and whatever, i know i'm odd enough to do it. for real. anyswayz about 12 years ago NASA developed technology that allows them to see what's on the ground in dense jungle. apparently there was a temple in cambodia that's 1 square mile.. that was completely undiscovered til recently. only a handful of people in the modern world have been there. my friend jeremy discovered this story from an author he met at a booksigning last week. the author was one of the first people to go there. along with this british archeologist. they had to bribe officials.. hire a military escort.. the whole kuhbooodle. there's a huge ammt of unrest in cambodia between 2 warring factions. and kidnapping has become a viable business there. however that's just the downside. the upside is.. HOLYCRAPWHATACOOLTRIP. it'd be less glorious than indiana jones.. but who in the world could say they went on a trip like that. . . . and it's not that expensive. so basically i'm in at the moment. now knowing me there is a decent chance i'll get kidnapped but that's a small price to pay to do something as epic as this. i theenk. hopefully myddw won't have a post about how i got sold into sex slavery in the far east 2 years from now.

rebel without a cause.. or maybe WITH a cause.

SO i spent new years and the following week after with denna. if you don't know denna.. she's been the girl i've been like.. love is the wrong word.. but w/e in love with for the past 8 months.. NYE she ends up flirting with me all night.. we have a blast.. everything goes great.. all the time we spent was just fun.. then the following weekend we goto austin tx and party it up there. we have a great time.. all our friends are like.. pushing us at one another.. etcetcetc.. she rides home with one of my best friends.. and explains to him that she'd never ever date me. that i'm ugly. too hyper. embarrassing to be around. etcetcetc.. there were a few more but i can't remember them at the moment. now apparently i thought we got along great.. and after like every single inside joke and every single smile and laugh.. that things were actually maybe gonna happen maybe. apparently she'd written me off months ago and sticks to her decisions. now i know i'm not exactly easy to keep up with.. especially when i get excited.. so i don't have any hateful feelings towards her. i still like her obviously. but i had to have the "TALK" with her. so i call her up 2 nights ago.. and she just ignores my fone call. doesn't call back. no text. no nothing. so.. i'm like.. ugh.. akward. now in a situation like this.. i would usually just let her go completely. talk to her whenever she talks to me.. but never instigate anything at all with her.. and MOST DEFINITELY NEVER SHARE ANYTHING SENTIMENTAL with her. music, songs, ideas, thoughts, plans, experiences.. etcetc.. so basically just treat her as fake as possible... let her think we're best friends but i'd be completely fake with her. completely. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand if you know me u know how awesome i am at that. that's how i win. to let them think everything is amazing.. but never let them in on any of the meaningful things that goes on in my head. i share that with people i love. so the girl ends up getting a completely superficial relationship out of it and ends up missing all the other crap that it used to be like.. but cant ever bring it up because i still act like nothing is wrong. it's such a brilliant victory.

but i decided since i actually care about this girl.. i had to grow up.. and actually let her know what was up. so since she has a dread of the fone... i messaged her on google chat.. here's how it went:

she was very short with her responses.. said that ppl can still be good friends.. etcetc then said something to the effect that she's losing her best friend and it's not her fault. etcetc..

and all i said was can't be close friends no more. you don't get no special anythang. so hopefully you enjoy your life without being a part of all my special ideas and thoughts. also said that if she changed her mind.. i'd be around. but the with the way she attracts guys.. she'll be fine. i'll be forgotten quick. then she said she had to go and get stuff done.. and remained on fb for the next 30 minutes. so basically she didn't have hardly anything to say whatsoever.. and was rediculously short with me. so i doubt it made her upset whatsoever. so the last 8 or 9 months were rediculously more special to me than her.. but then again if u know me .. that's not hard to understand.

SO- the long pre-story as to why i'm going to get arrested tonight.

yesterday my friend let me know bout all the bad things she thought about me.. so i decided.. why not do something i've never done? so i went to home depot and bought 6 cans of spray paint. 2 cans of flat white. 1 can of gloss red (dark red). 1 can of gloss dark blue. 1 can of dark gloss green. 2 cans of gloss white. then i spent the next 2 hours driving around town to find bridges to graffiti. now i've never even painted anything before. let alone spraypainted anything before. so the chances are this is gonna come out AWFUL. i don't really have an idea of what i'm gonna paint. all i know is i feel like something HAS to come out of me. 9 mos of absolute heart wrenching destruction.. to a finale of paint and adrenaline. i thought it fitting because kelsey is an amazing painter. So now to pick the place.. i decided that i didn't want to paint in the ghetto.. that'd be too ez.. so let's go the rich part of town.. and bring the ghetto to the white people. also more cops in that area so the adrenaline should be amazing. i've got a playlist on itunes set up with all my old favorite gangsta rap tracks to listen to. a completely blacked out all ninja outfit. a place to park my car and walk to the bridge.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand an awesome alibi for why i'm ''walking'' to walmart. i hope that after i'm done i feel released.. and satisfied.. and ready to move on. if i do get arrested.. i've got 1000 bucks cash in my drawer where the car keys are. so i should be able to get bailed out easily tommorow if things go awry. i'll be nervous tonight.. but it'll be werth it i theenk. myddw.

as i ride the wings of failure

ok this is even more pathetic to admit.. but i hit some extreme lows in life lately.. even to the point where i forgot how to log in to this blog.. but.. extreme emotional pressure has sparked my memory.. and now i'm back. and full of failure to report. now.. as i ride the wings of failure.. i shall recap some of the weird events that have happened to me recently. in brief summation. if i can possibly do that.

Dinner with a Retard-

so i'm the middle of no where west virginia a few weeks ago.. and there's nothing open past 9 there except an applebees.. so i stroll in and sit at the bar. doesn't take long for me to notice errethang around me.. and i glance upon this younger man dressed in skinny red sweat pants .. a pearl snap dress shirt.. and a hunting fur cap. now usually i dig hipster style.. and either this kid was hipster to the nth degree.. or someone with downs. happens to be he was the latter. anyways.. i'm sittin at the bar and behind me is a table full of doosh. folded bill caps.. sweater vest northface thingy's.. etcetc.. anyways the retard is being kinda loud and saying some off the wall stuff.. and apparently the bullys were getting a huge kick out of it. they start mocking him.. openly asking him retarded questions.. just being total dooooooooooshes. SO. me being me decided it was a great time to become friends with this retard.. and defend him against the onslaught.. that girl i absolutely totally fell for recently was still on my head constantly.. and she basically doesn't like me at all.. so honestly i was real prickly anyswayz at this point. wouldn't have minded a lil confrontation. i grab my beer and walk over to the retards table and ask to sit down with him. we then get into about a 12 minute arguement over whether or not jar jar binks should have been in star wars or not.. my food comes.. i try to talk about something else.. really attempting to treat this kid well and respectfully. cuz mainly i hated those dooshes behind me and was just waiting for them to say something. after about 2 minutes.. the retard gets bored of ME. starts IGNORING ME. then gets up.. wishes everyone safe travels home from the bar.. and not to get kidnapped by alligators. SO NOW I'M ALONE. and the only thought that runs through my head is.. if i can't even keep a down syndrome retard from west virginia entertained.. how the fun could i ever make denna like me back?? this was a low for me. a real low. myddw.

all things come full circle ~

i start this entry off.. as i should end it. I suppose. i often find myself floundering through life hoping for the best and refusing to believe the worst. in well. everything. however, that being said.. everything comes full circle. I suppose.

a few weeks back, i added a friend on fb that made a very intelligent post that made me laugh. fact being that this post was made by a female, i was intrigued. not long after the friend req, i found myself being hounded after. every post i made on FB was followed by 2 of hers. in her witty ways. soon i found that i was recieving txt msg's. at all hours of the day/night. from said poster. oddly enuff she found my number from FB. then commenced the harrassment. we're talking PAGES of texts. PAGES. daily. now, being me, and knowing me. i felt i could at the time handle such attention in a very passive way to diffuse the situation. I.E.; respondly kindly but shortly in said txt messaging. always encourage her to date other men in her life. I even told her about a girl i was 'talking' to in FL at the time. and told her i was really into her. which i was at the time. now after i got back from a backpacking trip, to my surprise, said FL girl was already dating another guy. now.. this is where i get shady. because the stalker girl kept harrassing me, i kept talking about said FL girl. even tho i stopped talking to her completely because she'd chosen to date another guy down there. now i've tried hinting, and ignoring. and i truly feel that given enough time said stalker will leave me alone. i hope. but that's the way i've chosen to deal with the situation instead of being up front and rude. or blunt. i don't believe in such ways. however more effective they are. but... that's being me and knowing me. now this precursor is neccesary to understanding the full circle. we jump to chapter 2 in this saga...

A few months ago i met a girl that i knew was a little different but.. i had NO idea HOW different she was. physically speaking i was attracted, but then again.. being me.. knowing me.. i'm attracted to ALOT of girls. and thought nothing of it. now getting to know her a little better.. i've come to realize that this girl is actually very special. her mind. dont. work. like. normal. that blows me away. the thought that there is a girl out there that could be as weird as me, yet can keep her sincerity, destroys my head. now i'm not about to write a bunch of meandering love descriptions and poetic heart touching nonsense, however i had to at least be fair to the reader of this to let u know why i started trying to pursue her to begin with. qualities like this in girls are rare to me. i don't meet them often. the end. such begins my 'pursuit'. now knowing me and being me you'd understand how i pursue. it starts with absolute bizzarre text messages. usually whatever pops into my head at the very second i'm texting. i try to just get my weirdness out of the way as soon as possible. and try to take people out of their shell in the meantime. at the time i first started messaging her i was real big on apologizing for nothing at all. and making up huge confrontations over trivial matters because i thought it was funny. IE i had a show in dallas one weekend and for some reason thought it'd be cool to wear a LA dodgers hat on TV. so the texting at the mall commenced "Surely i hope it's ok with you that i'm buying an LA dodgers hat".. now because she doesn't know me that well she responds.. "why would i care if u buy a dodgers hat?" then respond "I hate when we fight, will you please stop raising your voice at me?"... now.. that was just a faze i was in at the time, because i thought it was funny. apparently it isn't really funny unless u know me well. or maybe it's never funny to anyone but me. but my 'game' wasn't really impressive to her. that's when i think i started to really like her. because she was hard to attract. so ever since then i've found myself texting her.. messaging her on FB.. attempting to chat as much as possible.. however she has remained completely disengaged and never will be the first to text me, but she has been pleasant. now it's occured to me today, that.. if i never texted her.. or called her.. or attempted to communicate with her again, that i'd never hear from her. she'd end up a memory.

now i'm not cocky enough to think that every girl i like should like me back. and i'm not stupid enough to believe that it's impossible for someone to be someone's "TYPE" and it remain non mutual. however i AM stupid enough to believe that this situation is COMPLETELY different from the girl that's stalking me. until tonight. like i said, all things come full circle. I suppose. i often find myself floundering through life hoping for the best and refusing to believe the worst. in well. everything. however, that being said.. everything comes full circle. I suppose.

MYDDW.

LODO ALL STAR DJ

so fly back from LA monday and have a week off in CO before i bounce again. so make some calls and find some places to spin this week downtown. being such late notice and not being a good dj.. had some things set against me from the get go. so i spend 2 days finishing off the long procrastinated organizing of serato crates. 7000 tracks and 7 cups of coffee later, i get ready to head up to D-town about an hour and 15 minutes away from my house thurs night. i show up on time and wait for about 45 minutes for the others to show up and get everything set up. now i have gear that works. but from this weekend i think i may be one of the only DJ's that have that luxury. the guy who let me come guest DJ on his night is none other than the director of monolith festival himself. so obviously aside from being friends with him, i also want to show off a little bit in hopes to impress him. playing at red rocks would be bar none THE peak of my dj'ing career. lets face it. so after we setup, i begin to open for him at a bar with no more than 30 ppl inside it and a completely empty dancefloor. now this night was labeled as an "INDI" night. and from what i understood, i was told to play top40 to try and get ppl to dance. now just playing a show for the dallas mavericks 2 weeks prior, i was convinced i had a good handle on solid mash-up/pop/top-40. so i start the night off and start gettin goin, and about 2 songs in some total faggot tool walks up to me and says 'hey man, where's the INDI?' 'have any modest mouse?' and then in turn the director of monolith.. tells me it's important to cater to the crowd. SO here's my deal. EVEN IF I HAD ANY EFFING FAGGOT INDI MUSIC TO PLAY TO PPL THAT WON'T DANCE TO IT BECAUSE U CAN'T DANCE TO INDI, WHY WOULD I PLAY MODEST MOUSE. ? that's HIP. careful bud you keep going down that path you're going to start thinking that avril lahveeen is INDI too because it has a guitar in the background you faggot. So, at that point im like, well.. they want INDI, i'll start playing every dope obscure hipster track i have so they won't recognize a single tune and throw in an empire of the sun track and call it good. I begin to mix out of the first track.. and one turntable stops working. skipping like a beast. MONO walks up and says to just dj in internal mode, however i wasn't set up for that whatsoever. so here comes train wreck city. in front of everyone. SO i wreck miserably, and then start only playing songs that are at the same bpm or DARN near. so the mixes suck. everyone wants me gone. and there's my big audition for monolith. now the funny thing is before i started playing.. the director of monolith tells me that he may let me play monolith during the day. now that was also BEFORE i spun that night. so... my DDW once again. cheers.

Now if that wasn't aggrevating enough.. i'm booked at a lounge the next night downtown again. i get told that one deck is broken (go figure). so i bring one of my turntables up thinking i have everything covered. i show up, and not Just 1 deck is broken, but 2!!!!! GO FIGURE AGAIN. so as a solution, they have 70 dollar numark cdj's. without pitch bend. only pitch control. and the crappiest spin wheel alive. (you never know when you've spun it too fast or too slow to touch up a track getting mixed in). So i have to burn 2 cd's while the other dj is opening for me. and spin off a busted azz cdj i've nvr played on before and 1 turntable with serato. needless to say the first half n hour i was making one good mix out of every 2. going from cd to record. but record back to trainwreck cd. this being said i'd like to thank myself for not bringing up both turntables. and also the kind ppl i was able to escort out of the bar with my god awful mixing last night. my ddw again. thank you denver for my impotence.

Hardfest 2009 or lack there of.

obviously you've all heard about how piss poor this event turned out. everyone is blaming everyone else but the bottom line is that the people who attended were stupid. ended up getting chaotic and shut down by the fire marshall. that in itself would be no big deal. IF you didn't spend 500 dollars to fly to LA roundtrip from Denver. and that would be IF you didn't accidentally book your flight from LA to denver as opposed to Denver to LA. IF you didn't spend another 100 bucks changing the flights around the day before the event. IF you didn't waste 4 nights at a hotel. IF you didn't wait in line for 2 hours and have to bum rush security to get in the venue and hide in a porto potty. IF you didn't already spend 80 bucks a ticket and not see one group play. IF you didn't have 7 other friends meet you out there for the show from other states. So what do we do to ease the pain?? Let's go shopping on Rodeo drive and search for bargains. now that in itself would be fun, IF you were rich. But the weekend already totalling up to a G after rental car and hotel and flight, started to piss on my wallet. So we walk into Dulce and Gabbana if that's even how u spell it, and look at things I can't afford. Then this homo walks up to me and basically insinuates that i should leave the store because i'm wasting both of our time. now it could be because of this disgustingly gross growth on my upper lip at the time or the fact that i'm in hi tops and shorts sucking down a frozen yogurt (extremely delicious btw). whatever the reason i felt insulted. so i asked to see t-shirts thinking maybe i could waste more of his time and in fact win the game going on in my head. he in turn sticks his nose 7 inches higher in the air (didn't know that was possible) and takes me back to a drawer where he pulls out 4 different t-shirts (they don't even display t-shirts for sale). I then start examining the 'threads' on the t-shirt while trying to look at the price tag without actually looking at the price tag... turns out this little guy was ONLY 300 dollars. a complete and total bargain if you ask that faggot. being outraged at the weekend to begin with, i decide that it's time to teach this guy a lesson, and slap my card down on the table and stare off into the distance (completely encouraged by my friends at the time as well). only to make sure that my car payment is late by a week this month. my DDW but at least i won this chess match you faggot. thank you LA for giving me the gift of impotence.

here's a vid of ppl desperately trying to party in the parking lot of the LA forum when the riot police came and started kicking everyone out of the arena


softfest09